Questions Theists Should Ponder

1. Why Can’t Prayers really heal people, like the blind or someone with AIDS?
2. Instead of praying and not getting answers, why aren’t you getting up and doing something about the homeless and the unfortunate? Do you really feel accomplished because you prayed?
3. How can you be a Christian and judgmental at the same time?
4. How do you justify God punishing Adam and Eve for something they did before having any knowledge about good and evil?
5. What will happen in the Afterlife to the people who never heard about your religion?
6. What if the god you believe in isn’t the real God? How do you know it’s not some animal or tree?
7. What makes your “evidence” so compelling?
8. Why do you hate Atheism so much?
9. Why does the Bible order you to kill so many people? And why does it support things like slavery?
10. Why is the Bible inconsistent?
11. How do you decide what parts of the Bible to take literally?
12. Why does God not make any appearances, now that we have the technology to record and measure it?
13. Why do you think your God is paying attention to you?
14. If knowing God and Jesus is so important then why would god leave it up to man to take care of it for him?
15. Why are you so hell-bent on asking Atheists, “How did you get here”?
16. Can you prove to me that God exists in a way that will also show that Zeus does not?
17. If Gen 3:24 is true, why hasn’t anyone found the Cherubim and the ” flaming sword which turned every way”?
18. It’s been proven that modern humans originated from Africa. Yet, the Adam and Eve story claims the first Humans lived in a garden in Eden, near 4 rivers. ( Most of which no one can find). One of these rivers mentioned is the Euphrates, which runs through Iraq, Syria and a portion of Turkey. What’s the truth? Did man come out of Africa or near the Euphrates River?
19. How can a God have emotions, i.e. jealousy, anger, sadness, love, etc., if he is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent?
20. “God is all merciful,” we hear quite often. Wouldn’t it be more merciful of God to simply snap sinners out of existence rather than send them to hell?
21. Why haven’t we seen God reattach severed heads, restore someone who was burned alive or regrow amputated limbs?
22. Why does God entrust the spreading of ‘His’ word to sinners? Why doesn’t he do it himself?
23. If God is calling these people “home”, why are we putting the murderers of these victims in prison? How can we punish a man or woman for doing God’s will?
24. Why can’t we wait until we get to Heaven to worship God ? Why would it be too late?
25. What is the purpose of prayer? What can a finite being on Earth possibly tell an omnipotent, omniscient deity that he doesn’t know already?
26. Revelations is supposed to take place on Earth. What if we colonize the moon or Mars or inhabit a self-sustaining space station? Do we escape “judgment”?
27. If the earth was covered by a complete global flood, every living creature killed except those surviving on the ark, why are there many completely unique animal species in Australia that are found no where else indigenously on the earth?
28. In the “Last Days” Jesus is supposed to appear in the clouds. How are the Christians on the opposite end of the world going to see him? Are there going to be millions of Jesus’? What about people that work underground? What about people in deep space?
29. The highest rainfall ever recorded in a 24 hour period was 47inches in the Reunion Islands in 1947 (during a severe tropical storm). To cover the whole earth to a depth of 5.6 miles, and cover the mountain tops (i.e. Mount Everest), it would need to rain at a rate of 372 (three hundred and seventy two) inches per hour, over the entire surface of the earth. Can rain fall at such an astronomical rate? Where did all the water come from?? Where did it all go to??? And would not the dynamics of the earth be so out of balance (tides etc.) that the earth would become so unstable that it would wobble off into outer space?
30. If Noah’s flood supposedly covered the earth for a year, regardless of whether or not all the animals could fit on the ark, what the heck happened to all the plants? Can you imagine a cactus surviving under 4 miles of water for a year?
31. Christians say that God is NOT the author of confusion. Can you say, Tower of Babel?
32. After 9/11 a lot of people have been tossing around ” god bless America”. Why do they keep saying this? From the looks of it god hasn’t blessed anything. If god had blessed America, the 9/11 event would’ve never happened.
33. If the garden of Eden was a perfect paradise as Xians claim, then why did Eve even want to eat the fruit? Wouldn’t a perfect place provide everything a person would want or desire and thus she would want nothing?
34. I have often heard that faith is all that is necessary to believe in God and accept the Bible as true. If this is true aren’t all supernatural beliefs true since they also require “faith”?
35. Why didn’t God just kill Adam and Eve after the Fall and start from scratch? Actually, if God is all-knowing wouldn’t he know that man would need to be killed eventually anyway, (the biblical flood)? Why create Adam and Eve at all?
36. Many Christians believe that God is a thinking being, that he solves problems and makes a way for them when troubles come. Does God Think? If God is thinking, did he know his thoughts before he thought them? If so, again, where is his freewill and how is God thinking at all if everything seems to be one uncontrollable action/thoughts?
37. Genesis 1:28-29 shows that man and all the animals were first created herbivorous. Most young-earth Christians (ones that believes the earth is less than 10,000 years old) say that the fall of man resulted in carnivorous animals (hence death of animals). So, why did God punish the animal kingdom, making animals kill and devour each other because of man’s mistake? Or, if you’re an old-earth Christian (one that accepts that animals existed on earth for billions of years before man came on the scene) then how come fossils show carnivorous animals existed before man?
38. I have often heard from many believers that even Satan has a presence in the church, which is why even in church people can still have impure thoughts. If Satan can find his way in the church, how do Christians know that Satan didn’t find his way into the Bible and twist the whole book?
39. Does God know his own future decisions? If God is all-knowing he actually shouldn’t have any decisions to make at all. Nor can he choose anything over something else. For that would mean that he is neither omniscient nor omnipotent?
40. If God is all-knowing, how could he be disappointed in his creations?
41. If a spirit is non-physical but the human body is physical, how does a spirit stay in our bodies?
42. God struck down the Tower of Babel angry at the intent of the people that built them, if this is the case, many of the great pyramids ( which are bigger than any ziggurat) around the world should be rubble also, yet many still stand today. Were not the Egyptians and many other ancient pyramid builders reaching toward God /The Heavens?
43. Why did God flood the earth to remove evil?
44. Why would an all-powerful god become flesh in order to sacrifice himself to himself so that his creation might escape the wrath of himself. Couldn’t god, in his infinite wisdom, come up with something a little more efficient?
45. The Bible says that God is a jealous God . How is this an example of a moral absolute of which man is supposed to follow?
46. If god is omniscient and ” god is love,” why would he allow a child to be conceived, knowing that that child would one day reject him and spend eternity burning in a lake of fire?
47. What is the purpose of prayer? What can a finite being on Earth possibly tell an omnipotent, omniscient deity that he doesn’t know already?
48. Some say Jesus was the all-knowing God. Jesus would have known then that when he died he’d be in heaven in less than 3 days to rule. If Jesus is alive and ruling today, what did he sacrifice?
49. God knows that men are sinners, untrustworthy and evil, why does God leave it up to fallible man (clergy..etc) to teach others about his word? Why would he put our eternal souls at risk if he loves us so much?
50. If God has such a tremendous problem with uncircumcised penises, why did he make man with foreskin in the first place?
51. Did Noah have fish on-board? Salt or Fresh? Since fresh water fish would die in salt, and salt water fish would die in fresh, only one type of fish would survive. Yet….?
52. Why does the omnipotent, omnipresent God need help from man or angels to spread his word or do acts?
53. How did Jesus ascend to Heaven in the Flesh when Paul says that flesh cannot inherit the kingdom of Heaven?
54. If God wants us to live right and choose “the good,” why did he create evil?
55. I hear Christians all the time speaking of a spiritual war between Heaven and Hell, if this is true does God have limitations of power?
56. The Bible is full of phrases beginning with, “and the lord saw”. Didn’t he know before hand?
57. How can a psychologist condone belief in something not proven to exist, when people are put into mental institutions on a daily basis for the same thing? i.e. aliens, fairies, imaginary people (Multiple Personality Disorders..)?
58. If Christians say they know God exists and that he will work miracles, what do they need faith for?
59. Brain, or shall I say, body transplants, will eventually be possible, where would the soul be then? Where is the soul?
60. If God really wants us to know him, why doesn’t he place the knowledge of him in our minds at birth?
61. If God was Jesus’ father (not Joseph), then why is Jesus’ family tree traced through Joseph?
62. What image of God was man made from? Couldn’t have been a moral one or physical one.
63. Why can’t God appear before everyone at the same time? Everyone in the world would then “know” he exists and not have solely “believe”?
64. According to the New Testament Matthew 5:17 says “Do not suppose that I have come to abolish the Law and the prophets; I did not come to abolish, but to complete. I tell you this: so long as heaven and earth endure, not a letter, not a stroke, will disappear from the Law until all that must happen has Happened.” So since Jesus has not returned the “Law” is still in effect, so why aren’t we still burning witches, stoning adulterers and disobedient children, killing homosexuals, ostracizing people that work on the Sabbath (nurses, doctors etc.), flinging blood onto the horns of the alter, pulling off the heads of small birds, and don’t forget human sacrifice to God (Leviticus 27 P.28 )?
65. If there is freewill in Heaven yet everyone has chosen good and is happy, isn’t that proof that God could have made us with freewill, choosing good ( God ) and still being happy on Earth?
66. Why does God have a plan? Man is limited in power so we make plans because we are not all-knowing nor all-powerful. If God has a plan, isn’t he reduced to a mere finite being?
67. How could the all-merciful/loving God watch billions of his children burn over and over again for eternity?
68. Before reading and writing were invented (5000BC), on what basis did God use to judge the people who died before the Hebrew and Greek text (BIBLE) were written?
69. Many Christians tell me that I will “burn in hell”. If I have a soul, how can a soul burn? Aren’t souls non-physical entities?
70. How can one hold to the barbaric belief that something has to DIE in order to appease a god for a bad deed?
71. Why does SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) occur? Why would God allow a baby to live for such a short period of time? Why not just let them not be born in the first place?
72. If Jesus was nailed and died on Friday evening, and walked out of the tomb on Sunday morning, where’s the 3rd NIGHT he predicted?
73. Many Christians claim that hell is merely existence outside of God? presence. If this is the case, then Jesus could not have descended into hell (being God Himself). As a result, are you sure your sins are forgiven?
74. Ten to twenty percent of all women who discover they are pregnant suffer a miscarriage. Also, it is estimated that anywhere from 14 to 50 percent of all pregnancies end in miscarriage. Seeing this is all part of God ‘s plan, does this make God the world’s number one abortion provider?
75. What if, when you get to Heaven, you saw God causing pain and suffering out of anger or for the purpose of entertaining himself. What if he required people in heaven to praise and worship him non-stop even to the point of causing his worshipers discomfort, pain and boredom. What if, when he was bored, angry, or jealous, he would create natural disasters to make himself feel better. Would you still follow him?
76. In Leviticus, the bible condemns homosexuality as an “abomination”, giving some Christians a reason to hate, harass, torture and kill gays and even picket their funerals with ” God hates fags” signs. In the same book of the bible the eating of shellfish is equally an “abomination”. Are these Christians planning to go after the patrons of Red Lobster next?
77. Christians will tell you that if a baby dies it goes to heaven. Why then are they so against abortion? All the child is being deprived of is the opportunity to go to hell. Either that or god expects unborn fetuses to accept Jesus.
78. If one could prove to you incontrovertibly that Jesus and God were all human fabrications would you still believe?
79. It is often said that God allows evil because one could not meaningfully appreciate good without experiencing its opposite. Why is it necessary to experience the opposite of something in order to appreciate it? Must I experience death in order to meaningfully appreciate life?
80. Bible literals want you to believe that God’s Word in the Bible is meant to be taken literally. If this is the case, why was Jesus fond of explaining things in parable and metaphor? Was Jesus literally discussing the biology of mustard seeds, or was the mustard seed parable meant to be interpreted figuratively as faith?
81. Liberal Christians say some parts of the Bible are literally true, but much else is to be interpreted figuratively as allegory. How do you know which is which? What distinguishing criteria are used? How can you be certain “God” is a literal and not a figurative concept?
82. Consciousness is the result of a physical brain, how could God being metaphysical be said to be conscious or sentient without having a brain?
83. Considering how Leviticus is considered old law, and that Christians do not obey it anymore, why do they always use it to defend homosexuality being an “abomination”?
84. Why did this alleged god create humans as an animal form of life that gets sick and die and experience pain and has a limited mind when ‘it’ could have created humans as a form of pure energy or of some indestructible material, and was totally sinless; and had pure thought? If  god was omnipotent ‘it’ could have easily have done this.
85. If a god is omnipotent how did ‘it’ fail to foresee that Satan would turn against ‘it’?
86. If God is omnipotent and he has a plan, then why did he not create the universe as it will be one second after the plan has succeeded? Who or what prevented him from doing that?
87. What is a god supposedly made of?
88. Exactly how did the alleged worldwide flood kill off all the world’s sea creatures? How does one go about drowning a fish?
89. The large majority of people who have ever existed could not have learned of the Bible or Jesus Christ. And many people after-wards have found other religions or no religion at all to be more convincing, sometimes while being very virtuous. Do all these people really deserve eternal torment because of that?
90. Is it reasonable for the Creator and Ruler of such a vast Universe to be preoccupied with the sexuality of a species living on a tiny little planet?
91. If the Christian god was all loving and all knowing why did he let religious figures such as Mohammed or Gautama Budda be born, knowing that they would mislead people from the ‘true’ faith and trick the majority of the world’s population into burning forever in hell?
92. If one is obliged to follow all the teachings of the bible then why is engaging in homosexuality or adultery any worse than “suffering a witch to live”, “muzzling the ox that treadth the corn”, “reaping the corners of thy field”, “marring the corners of they beard”, “plowing with an oxen and an ass”, “hating thy brother in thy heart” or “eating frogs, shellfish and eels” ?

For those who believe in God, most of the big questions are answered. But for those of us who can’t readily accept the God formula, the big answers don’t remain stone-written. We adjust to new conditions and discoveries. We are pliable. Love need not be a command nor faith a dictum. I am my own god. We are here to unlearn the teachings of the church, state, and our educational system. We are here to drink beer. We are here to kill war. We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us.

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If heaven is SO great, what is it about death you’re so scared of?

Heaven is supposed to be this great place for people who all they have to do is ask their god to forgive them for their sins and they’ll have a guaranteed ticket to the paradise in the sky. All the while people are crying and practically having a panic attack when someone tells them they’re going to die. Heaven is so great right? You should be looking forward to being there; unless you think you’re going to hell then that’s just funny. What are you so scared of huh? Especially if you’ve done right in this world, what do you have to lose if you die? You’re so secure in your beliefs, you should have your bags packed when you die.

In religion, Heaven is a transcendental realm in which people who have died continue to exist in an afterlife. The term “heaven” may refer to the physical heavens, the sky or the seemingly endless expanse of the universe.

Remember, all you have to do is give yourself to your lord and poof, when you die, you’ll be in heaven. But what if you forget to repent? Do you automatically go to hell? Or is it based on how extreme your sins are? So many questions that for a second I didn’t even care to ask. What is it about life that have you so scared about death? Is it how you’re going to die? You don’t want to be in pain? Well it’ll all be over sooner or later right? Heaven is so great that the pain should be worth it. What, you still have things you want to do before you die? Tough cookie. Shit happens. How accomplished are you going to feel once you’re dead? After you’ve done all that you’ve done in life and you’re on your death-bed, how gratuitous are you going to feel about what you accomplished? Is that going to pass over in that afterlife of yours? Is god going to give you brownie points for taking sky diving lessons and the fact that you put your life in gods hands it was all worth it?

From what I’ve read in that book. Just about everyone is going to hell. I’m sure most of you have done one of these things:

• Cursed. (Ephesians 5:4)
• Sat on your ass on Saturdays. (Exodus 20:8)
• Gossiped. (Leviticus 19:16)
• Shaved. (Leviticus 19:17)
• Eating lobster. (Leviticus 11:10)
• Eating pork. (Leviticus 11:7)
• Wearing cotton or polyester [blended] (Leviticus 19:19)
• Associating with women who are on their periods. (Leviticus 15:19-20)
• Worry. (Matthew 6:25)
• Making yourself look good. (Matthew 6:1)

There are plenty more of course. If you read it that is. It seems as if everybody wants to go to heaven but no one is never really ready to die.

So yea, especially the bottom 3; you’re all going to hell because who knows when a woman is on their period unless they tell you? Because apparently to men, we’re always bitchy; and always menstruating. You pretty much have to be a robot to not sin; a doll maybe. & I’m pretty sure there’s a sin for building such blasphemous things. So being human will pretty much send you straight to hell. Enough of that…

So, death scares you that badly that you completely forget about that heaven you believe in? You mind as well face the inevitably, it happens to all of us. There’s no way around death, so  get what you can out life on this planet because once you’re dead, it’s not going to matter. No one is going to give two fucks.

“Atheists Are Just Spiritually Lazy” ….O’RLY?!

Only those with a book of ‘cop outs’ would say such a foolish thing. We have to sit and read a book Christians refuse to read thoroughly and abide by but we’re spiritually lazy? Yea ok and I’m the pope.

We’ve researched, we’ve asked questions; hell some of us were even saved. What actually classifies us as being spiritually lazy? Wouldn’t we have had to have some type of spiritual awareness to even become Atheists? We didn’t just sit up one day and say, “Well since reading the bible is just so much work and going to church is something I rather not do, I’m going to just sit on my ass and act like god doesn’t exist”. In other words since religious folk believe that we’re stubborn bastards and refuse to understand and listen to this god, that makes up spiritually lazy. That’s poor logic because how in the hell do you know what I am? Did god tell you?

While I’m on that, to be spiritually lazy means you are apart of a religion but you’re lazy as hell. There are various definitions but being an Atheist is not someone who is ‘spiritually lazy’. That’s B.S.. It takes a jackass to decide that Atheists are spiritually lazy when we know the bible better than Christians do. That has been scientifically proven as well. People have prayed and tried to seek out this god but guess what? You guess it, nothing happened. They took it a step further and opened up their ears, eyes and brains and realized that they’re living a fairytale. A magical sky being is up there with the rest of the dead people looking down on us with its never-ending pad with an ink pen writing down every damn thing we do. So when ‘judgment day’ comes he moisten his thumb and look through the pages and look for your name to read off your list of sins. Remind you, he does this to every last person on earth.

If questioning the bible makes me spiritually lazy, then so be it. I’ll be that. I’ll join the rest of the spiritually lazy sheep that got their eyes open and asking questions. I bet I’ll fit right in.

 

I have no moral code…

Moral Code: A written, formal, and consistent set of moral rules, accepted by a person or by a group of people.

Well but of course I don’t have one, I’m not religious for one. Even much so, it’s said even if you aren’t religious you still need one. Right, just like it’s also been said that we [atheists] get our moral code from some where else.

I haven’t blogged in a minute but today I suddenly got the urge. I’ve so far had a pretty shitty year to put it strongly; and with a baby on the way, that’s now the slump I want to be in come June.

-Sigh, anyway. It’s been a crazy year for me so far and things that has occurred could of been avoided. But do I care? Not at the least. Will caring do anything to change what has been done? No. If I were religious would it had made a difference in what was said and done on my behalf assuming I had a moral code? Nope!

Does that make me a bad person? Yea from another person’s point of view. I honestly believe I am who I am and I do what I do because those are my beliefs. I believe in, if you don’t like me then I’m not forcing you to be around me. Get lost.

“God Hates Lady Gaga”

I know this may be really old to some but it’s new to me. I don’t know where to begin. There are SO many things wrong with this video. So, God hates Lady Gaga huh?

These type of individuals celebrate any tragedy where people die as ‘proof’ of their stupid views. Statistically, as basically no one agrees with. As far as I’m concerned the Westbro Baptist Church hates anyone that doesn’t support them.

Whoa there! Putting Christ Back in Christmas? Ha!

Is Jesus the Reason for the Season?:
Many conservative evangelical Christians at this time of year want to “put Christ back in Christmas” and insist that “Jesus is the Reason for the Season.” With these slogans, they hope to remind people that Christmas is a Christian holiday and that without Christ, there would be no Christmas in the first place. Such Christians are offended that so many people enjoy the holidays without any reference to Jesus or Christianity and want it to stop. Unfortunately, they don’t have much of a case.

 

Christmas Wars:
Not having a case doesn’t seem to matter, though, and conservative Christians have been pursuing their so-called Christmas Wars with great vigor. A few influential conservatives are using Christmas as a political weapon against liberals, secularists, and non-Christians by claiming that a secular, anti-Christian conspiracy has removed Christ from Christmas.

 

Pre-Christian Reasons for the Season:
If Jesus is the Reason for the Season, why are so many aspects of the season pre-Christian and pagan? Christians took over the Decemer 25th Roman holiday of Natalis Solis Invicti, festival of the birth of the invincible sun, as well as Saturnalia. Christians took over German mid-winter festival celebrations which used evergreen trees and holly as symbols of eternal life. Where is Christ in all of this? How is Jesus the reason for the season of mid-winter festivals that pre-date Christianity?

Pagan Christmas Trees:
The most central and recognizable symbol of Christmas today is the Christmas tree — and it has nothing to do with Christianity, Christ, or Jesus. It’s a purely pagan symbol taken from ancient German mid-winter festivals. Even if people hang religious ornaments on the tree, the hanging of ornaments is originally pagan, not Christian. The practice of cutting down trees and taking them home to decorate them with gold and silver is even condemned by God in the book of Jeremiah.

Christian Aspects of American Christmas:
Christmas as it is celebrated in America has just two Christian elements: nativity scenes and Santa Claus. Nativity scenes are unquestionably Christian, but their role is smaller than symbols such as pagan trees. Only Christmas carols which reference the nativity continue to be very important. Santa Claus is central to Christmas, but while his roots are Christian, he has become completely secularized – there is nothing recognizably Christian about him anymore.

Secularization of American Christmas:
Christmas as we know it today is not at all like how Christians used to treat the holiday — for most of Christian history it was a minor holiday, if celebrated at all. Contemporary Christmas has become so secularized that it’s difficult to find the Christian elements sometimes, and this means that for most people Jesus just isn’t the reason for the season today — if he ever was. Christmas is more about a secular Santa than Jesus the Christ and Savior.

Commercialization of American Christmas:
Christmas is more a commercial enterprise than a religious observance – Jesus isn’t the reason for the season, buying consumer goods is. Heavy commercialization of Christmas took off in WWII when people had to buy early to get gifts to troops, but the early shopping season didn’t end with the war. This was when campaigns to “put Christ back into Christmas” started, and look at how successful they’ve been: the buying season is not only longer, but more central both to Christmas and the economy.

Christmas Doesn’t Need Christ or God:
It’s true that for many Christians, Christmas is so religious that there would be little point to the holidays without their religious perspective. At the same time, however, there are millions of non-Christians and godless people who celebrate and enjoy the holidays without much problem. It’s possible to go through the whole Christmas season while encountering few, if any, significantly Christian elements. There is nothing odd or difficult about having a Christmas without Christ or God.

Atheists Celebrating Christmas:
The fact that Jesus is not the Reason for the Season and that there is no particular place for Christ in Christmas doesn’t mean, however, that all atheists are comfortable with celebrating Christmas. Some argue that it would be better to ignore the holiday. Some continue to celebrate it because they aren’t out as atheists or don’t want to rock the boat among religious family members. Should atheists celebrate or ignore Christmas?

Jesus is not the Reason for the Season:
What is most mistaken, and even offensive, about the slogan “Jesus is the Reason for the Season” is that Christians are attempting to claim ownership of and priority over the entire holiday season, not just Christmas. There is, however, no reason to imagine that there would be no mid-winter holidays in the absence of Christ or Christianity.

 

Modern Christmas celebrations have little or nothing to do with Jesus, the Feast of the Nativity, or the Incarnation. Consider some popular Christmas traditions: erecting and decorating a tree, hanging wreaths, sending cards, drinking eggnog, giving presents, hanging mistletoe…where is Christ in all of this?

 

Thus we also have slogans about “putting Christ back into Christmas,” but it’s difficult to see how Christ was ever central to Christmas. When Christians celebrated it at all, it was about the nativity of Jesus, not the salvation from Christ. Today, even Jesus has receded into the background.

 

Our modern Christmas is a large number of ancient pagan practices, a few pieces of Christian traditions, and a large number of modern creations which are almost entirely secular in nature, no matter where they got their inspiration from. I see little room and little need for any “Christ” in all of this – but more importantly, I see little place where a “Christ” could be put back into the mix.

 

This is why Jesus is not the reason for the season for non-Christians. Whether non-Christians celebrate some form of Christmas or something else entirely, the reason for the season is whatever meaning they invest in their holiday — and that is up to them, not to Christians.

 

To put it simply, Christians who insist that Jesus is the reason for the season and that Christ needs to be “put back” into Christmas are seeking to assert their cultural superiority over everyone else. It’s yet one more example of attempts to reassert Christian privilege in an America that has moved on to religious pluralism.

The New Testament

by Lev Novak

God: Hey Jews.

Jews: Hey.

God: So listen, guys, I’m thinking we go in a different direction with this whole religion.

Jews: What?

God: You know, do a non-gritty reboot. Same God taste, new God packaging. That sort of thing.

Jews: We don’t follow.

God: Okay, work with me here, guys. Remember the whole “angry God” thing?

Jews: Vividly.

God: Where I killed a whole bunch of you and-

Jews: Yeah.

God: And forty years in the-

Jews: We remember that.

God: Not to mention Robo-Hitler. Yikes.

Jews: Wait, what?

God: Whoops, forget I said that. “Spoiler Alert,” am I right?

Jews: …

God: Anyway, we’re going to re-work this whole “God” thing. For example, kid-friendly is big these days in religion.

Jews: So, like…?

God: For example, I’m super chill now, for some reason. Plus there’s a heaven. Oh, and this is Jesus. He’s my son, and he’s God too, or something. It’s complicated, ok?

Jesus: Yo.

Jews: I think we’ll stick with the old one here.

God: Look, I love the brand loyalty, Jews, I really do. But this whole “God” thing isn’t playing to the right demographics. Jesus is a hip, young God, you know, for the whole “A.D.” generations.

Jesus: Surfs up, dudes!

God: Ha, that Jesus. What a character, right? This is going to play huge in Rome…

Jews: This…goes against everything you’ve ever told us.

God: No it doesn’t, so just shut up. Also, Jesus, you’re going to die.

Jesus: What? I thought I was your son! Or God. Or both!

God: Look, this is just complicated, okay Jesus? Besides, you totally return when you fight the Devil.

Jews: Who?

God: Right, he’s another new character. He’s like an evil God. Plot twist, right? We’re arch enemies.

Jesus: Why would you make your own arch-enemy? That’s really stupid.

God: Shut up, Jesus. And what would you know? You’re made of bread and wine.

Jesus: What? Why?

God: Sponsorships, alright? New testaments aren’t cheap.

Jews: I’m sorry, this is just way too different. Is this your fan-fiction or something?

God: Of course not. This is the logical progression of Judaism which I planned all along. Like when I made all those references to a lamb.

Jews: You made, like, five.

God: Well, they were all about Jesus. Foreshadowing. Um, I guess. So there.

Jews: Couldn’t you have been clearer then?

God: I work in mysterious ways, okay? Look, just go with it guys. I worked really hard on this. And come on, you totally owe me for the whole “creation” thing anyway.

(pause)

Most Jews: Well, I guess we could.

God: Awesome! “Most Jews,” aka “New Christians”-

New Christians: We’re what now?

God: You won’t regret this guys. I have the whole thing planned perfectly.

Holy Ghost: Oooooooooh!

God: …

New Christians: …

God: You’re going to love it.

A Cage Full of Monkeys

Start with a cage containing five monkeys.

 

Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the other monkeys with cold water.

 

After a while, another monkey makes an attempt with the same result – all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon, when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.

 

Now, put away the cold water. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his surprise and horror, all of the other monkeys attack him.

 

After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.

 

Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm! Likewise, replace a third original monkey with a new one, then a fourth, then the fifth. Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs, he is attacked.

 

Most of the monkeys that are beating him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.

 

After replacing all the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to try for the banana. Why not? Because as far as they know that’s the way it’s always been done round here.

To sum it up, this is how religion works.

Whydo atheists have better moral than a religious person?

You never hear in the news, ‘200 killed today when atheist rebels took heavy shelling from the agnostic stronghold in the north.

I don’t know if you’ve ever seen Doug Stanhope but he bashes religion quite a bit, so I imagine you would like him.

A Religion Rant

My main problem with most religions, is their inability to respect other people’s’ beliefs.

You all can fight with each other about whose religion is right; can place wars upon that concept. Commit genocide over religion and discriminate against us atheist. But DAMN us if we attack you! It’s called logic and reasoning. It’s not our fault that your religions are contradictory and make no logical sense. Don’t blame us! The same way you all can spread your religious incoherent gibberish I can spread my ‘garbage‘ around as well. Religion doesn’t get auto respect. Especially after all the evil things it has done to people and people have done in the name of it. Also believe in whatever I want ? I don’t believe in anything as lack of evidence is needed to believe in something. I accept fact and that’s it. The only thing I believe in are concepts such as love, world peace, and equal human rights.

Up to this point I haven’t talked to a christian explaining to me how the humankind came to be without taking words from the bible as an allegory. What is more insulting is how most if not all of them seem unable to directly answer the close ended question “do you believe in the creation as said by the bible?”

A relationship with Jesus is like the battered woman syndrome – “He loves me. He punishes me. What if he left me? He knows everything. I must love him so I don’t get punished.” The prenuptial is fake and no spousal support; it’s like he was never there.

Free will? Define free will. “You’re free to buy any color bike, but I’ll kill you if you buy any other than blue one” isn’t free will. You can believe or not believe but you’ll go to hell if you don’t believe isn’t free will. But isn’t God omniscient? He should know if we’d believe in him or not. If he knows I’ll be an unbeliever and still doesn’t interfere, it means he’s purposefully created me to send me to hell! God gave us freewill as a gift and yet if we use that freewill to deny him, he will choose to punish us. Stupid isn’t? Right, thought so. This is even more stupid. God creates man and freewill knowing we will use it against him, we sin so he gets a women pregnant so she can give birth to himself. He then speaks to himself and gets himself crucified for our sins which he knew would happen because he knows all and gave us free will in the first place and you believe this!?

Without religion, good people would be doing good things, bad people doing bad things. But it takes Religion for good people to do bad things and feel righteous about their thoughts and actions.

An atheist strives to do what’s right, not what’s easy. An atheist
believes a hospital should be built instead of a church. An atheist
believes a deed should be done, instead of a prayer said. An atheist
strives for involvement in this life, and not an escape into the next.

Some of us always fear that we might get hit by a bus or get murdered in our sleep. Sometimes, we’re afraid that the guy next door will ruin us. Maybe a meteor will fall from the sky at any moment or cancer may destroy our lives. But that is nothing compared to the damage we can do to ourselves–without even trying.

Something you never hear in the news: “200 killed today when Atheist rebels took heavy shelling from the Agnostic stronghold in the North.”

The only good thing that comes from the bible are some great quotes, (the one used by Samuel Jackson in pulp fiction comes to mind.)

“The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the we…ak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you.”

Too bad too many religions poison and destroy people with their ignorance. So take a bow, fellow atheists. We are doing the good work by guiding the weak through their ignorance and hopefully to the light of knowledge.

Their book even says we are righteous!

Jesus Loves YOU!

Fuck you and your Jesus.

Jehovah’s be Rollin’

Yea, I said it. They be rollin’. They will ride up and down the street with their faces plastered to the windows looking for unsuspecting people.

I was one of those unsuspecting people when they rolled up. I was waiting on a bus when someone in a car pulled up in a drive next to the bus stop. Minding my own business, not paying attention because I assumed they pulled up to turn around and go about their business. Well that was not the case. A Jehovah witness came out of no where with an Awake! and Watchtower magazine and asked me could she leave them with me. I started to say “No, I’m an Atheist” but I decided not to. What was hilarious about the ordeal was, the woman was Korean or something. When she walked up, it was like I just walked in to a dollar store/hair store owned by someone Chinese.

I don’t know where my mind was between the time the car pulled up and the time I took to tell her no because I don’t even remember them pulling out the driveway and taking off.

This is all new to me because the Jehovah’s I knew walked up and down the street, not religiously drive-by your unsuspecting ass. I know now that catching a bus isn’t safe. I mean yea, an old woman tried to give me one when I was on a bus as well. She actually got upset that I wouldn’t take it. She must have thought all Black people are religious.

I should have took one, just for kicks.

Crazy Christians

Do these people belong in a church or in a mental facility of some sort? What exactly are they doing? What can Christians possible prove jumping around like they’ve been possessed by the very thing they call the ‘holy ghost’? What’s the difference in that and someone being exorcised to release the ‘demons‘? Who REALLY needs to holy water here? Someone needs to compel the Christ out of these crazy Christians.

Smart Ass Q&A to Theist’s

The Bible says that atheism is wrong.

The Bible also says some guy’s donkey talked.

If you believe in God and are wrong, then it’s no big deal, but if you don’t believe in God and are wrong, you’ll be punished eternally, so it’s not a good idea to be an atheist.

What if you’re wrong that God prefers unthinking self-righteous toadies to honest people who try and live a good life?

Deep down you really believe in God.

Deep down, you really don’t believe that.

You’re only saying you’re an atheist to rebel against authority.

And if the Beatles grew long hair to rebel against authority, then they really had no hair — is that what you’re saying?

You probably are an atheist because you had a bad experience as a child.

You probably worship God because you hate your real father.

There are no atheists in foxholes.

Probably because we have less excuses to start wars.

If you don’t believe in God, you’ll go to Hell!

If you don’t stop believing in God right now, I’ll punch you in the face.

Why are you mad at God?

Because he’s supposed to be all good but he doesn’t even have the common decency to exist.

Atheists are Satanic.

Just like theists are agnostic?

Without God there is no morality.

Are we talking about the God that ordered Moses to kill babies and asked people to set animals on fire because he liked the smell?

God is perfect, and He couldn’t be perfect if He didn’t exist, which proves that He exists.

No, it just proves he isn’t perfect.

People who follow Jesus are good, so you should follow Jesus.

Chemotherapy can cure cancer, so everyone should have chemotherapy.

Jesus was either a liar, a crazy person, or the son of God. He spoke against liars, and his behavior wasn’t crazy, so the only remaining possibility is that he was the son of God.

So you’re telling me that if a polite, honest-looking, well-spoken, nicely dressed man walked up to you on the street and introduced himself as the earthly incarnation of God, you’d figure he probably is? Have you considered the possibility that you’re the one who is crazy?

There were eye witnesses that Jesus worked miracles.

There are eye witnesses that Bigfoot exists, Uri Geller works miracles, and aliens abduct people.

Most people who know about Jesus believe in Him.

If most people jumped off a bridge…

I know from personal experience that God exists.

No he doesn’t. He told me so himself.

God wants you to believe in him without rational proof.

Then he’s certainly doing a fine job of not tempting me with evidence.

You say you don’t believe that God exists, but the word “God” is meaningless if there is no such thing, so you are admitting that God exists even as you deny his existence.

That reminds me, I don’t believe you owe me $100.

Hitler was an atheist.

I don’t know about Hitler’s religion, but I do know that he was heterosexual, so can I assume you’re against that, too?

Einstein believed in God. Do you think you’re smarter than Einstein?

If he believed in God, yes.

The founding fathers intended the United States to be a Christian nation. Atheists aren’t welcome.

Are you sticking with the whole ‘slavery’ thing, too?

The universe is so complex that someone must have designed it.

I don’t know — that sentence was fairly complex but there was obviously not much thought behind it.

Atheists believe in evolution, but if we teach our children evolution in public school they will believe that they are no better than animals and will grow up immoral.

I’ve met public school children. Most of them aren’t any better than animals.

Evolution violates the second law of thermodynamics.

No, but God does.

Well, evolution’s only a theory.

So’s your old man.

How can you not believe in Jesus Christ when the evidence is overwhelming?

Well, Jesus’s divinity is only a theory.

There’s proof that God exists, like the Bible and miracles.

If your twenty-year-old son still believes in Santa Claus because he read a book about Santa visiting and presents magically appeared on Christmas morning when he was a child, would you praise him for having faith in the face of overwhelming evidence or call him an idiot?

My parents raised me to believe in God. Are you calling my parents liars?

Can we talk about the Tooth Fairy for a minute?

There are so many wonderful things in the world, how can you say there is no God?

It’s really pretty easy: ‘There is no god.’ See?

There is so much beauty in the world that only God could have created it.

My wife’s beautiful, and my mother-in-law made her.

If there is no Heaven, then where do you go when you die?

The same place you were before you were conceived, I assume.

You can’t prove God doesn’t exist.

So? Can you really prove he does?

You don’t know everything.

Do you?

You can’t see air, but you believe in it.

I can’t see ignorance, but I can smell it. Right now, in fact.

You can’t see love, but you believe in it.

And I agree that god, like love, is just a concept.

God made His image appear in this tortilla!

(Eats tortilla) God’s ‘image’ tastes MIGHTY fine!

You call yourself an atheist but you have faith. Everyone has faith in something.

I have faith that this conversation isn’t going anywhere. Bye!

Top Ten Signs You’re a Fundamentalist Christian

10 – You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 – You feel insulted and “dehumanized” when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 – You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 – Your face turns purple when you hear of the “atrocities” attributed to Allah, but you don’t even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in “Exodus” and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in “Joshua” including women, children, and trees!

6 – You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 – You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 – You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs — though excluding those in all rival sects – will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering.  And yet consider your religion the most “tolerant” and “loving.”
3 – While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in “tongues” may be all the evidence you need to “prove” Christianity.

2 – You define 0.01% as a “high success rate” when it comes to answered prayers.  You consider that to be evidence that prayer works.  And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 – You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history – but still call yourself a Christian.

Proof Prayer is Wrong

The best optical illusion in the world!

Prayer may give people a sense of hope, get them through the day, make them happy. I’m all for it. Just don’t think your prayers are actually being answered when it’s only coincidental.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime; give a man religion and he will die praying for a fish.