The Unwanted | Being Hated By Your Own People



Someone like me who’s bisexual – and out about it, a black woman, and an atheist – outspoken. Add some of the most unconventional activities and different genres of music [I enjoy hockey and listening to metal music] and you’ll have something outside of their ‘element’. Some of these characteristics were already well known among family and friends and they made fun of you for it. Calling you Oreo and confused; some even called you racist – you hated your own kind, you’re betraying black people, you need Jesus. But that is as far as it went. It was almost tolerable to take the verbal onslaught of who you are as a person. They’ll walk by on occasion and tell you that you need to be going to church and listening to gospel. They may even go to their church and talk about it among the congregation; after they see the ass kickings weren’t working on you or for their back. You never understood why they tried to beat you like the very slaves they made you do home reports about in the books they themselves couldn’t read. The only person not making a big deal out of it is you and for some reason, it’ll start bugging the fuck out of you. You get annoyed and come close to telling everyone in church about themselves. Especially Ms. Charolette, we know what she does with Deacon Brown in the bathroom downstairs while everyone is at the pew praying for whatever sin they committed last week. Every eye isn’t closed. You’ve walked in on Pastor Otis who is sometimes in compromising positions. Somehow, a few collection baskets never quite make it all the way home – or so you thought – they seem to get lost in  Pastor Otis’ pockets. He always has that ‘deer caught in headlights’ gloss over his face. We don’t even want to get on the congregation, child! Oh, man! Ms. Davis’ daughter immediately got pregnant again and somehow it’s the devils fault and she needs to find her way back to Jesus! This is her fourth pregnancy when are you going to stop blaming the devil? Mr. Watley, he needs to stop messing around with all those young women; or at least, stop talking so loudly about his affairs when his wife is in the choir. The guys gossip just as much as the gals.


They’d be so mad. So you don’t let off on them because you value having a family more than value having a different opinion.

You remember as a child, all the times you sat under your moth-eaten blankets creating up stories for god and why he wasn’t around answering your prayers. Your grandmother is still calling you ugly and would be better off on your back; beating you when your big brother is caught on top of you. You remember asking god why was he punishing you. How did you end up around so many people who stopped caring when the dresses stopped looking as cute because now the girl wearing them can form her own opinion.

Who do you hate more at this point? Your family, or God? You don’t have anyone to ask these questions to. You can’t go to your family because they’d beat you for asking questions. So you’re stuck inside your own head for years because everyone around you is indoctrinated. You go along with it until you can’t take it anymore. Just when you thought you were an outcast already, your “family” proves you wrong…again. They tell the rest of the family to not talk to you. They try their damnedest to make you feel bad for being an atheist by kicking you and your son out on the street with no remorse. Yes, you’re an adult now and it seems like their hatred for anything different than them quadruples in intensity. They don’t give you a chance to get your things and just destroy your property and whatever else they didn’t destroy they sell or keep for themselves. So, you’re left with nothing and now have to start over…again.

You move on and reestablish yourself in another city, you haven’t talked to your family in almost a year. You decide against your best interest to one day call them. You reach out to them and of course, they need something from you and when you tell them no, they call you satan’s offspring and wish you’d burn in hell. Clearly, nothing has changed. They didn’t even lend a hand when your marriage failed. They were too busy telling themselves “I told her so”. Why did you expect anything different?

Your neighborhood friends now all grown up, they don’t understand. You can tell with the questions they ask: “Isn’t that a white thing?” You cringe every time you hear it. Soon thereafter, they stop talking to you and pretend they don’t see you. It finally gets backs to you that you’re “a stuck-up bitch that got a hold of voodoo spirits and now you’re being possessed by the devil”. Y’know, shit you thought you’d only hear in movies. Realizing that these people would rather believe a rumor than to get the truth, you’re fine dismissing the rest of your childhood. Let them be a distant memory of what was and is no longer. The fewer people in your life the better.

Everybody you date is religious and they oftentimes have more of a time accepting your atheism than you being bisexual. They somehow make up excuses for atheism. They blame it on your bisexuality. They tell you the very same thing every other black person in your life has told you: “It’s just a phase.” “You lost your way.” “You need to pray.” You’ve heard it all before. For some reason, outside of telling you what you need to do, they never tried to convert you and you never try to deconvert them. Showing their hypocrisy, sex outside of marriage seems to be fine  with them. They didn’t mind putting Jesus to the side to have you in their arms. “This is ridiculous!” you say and decide that dating black men and women are going to forever be foolish, unequivocally devoted to something they half-ass believe in; will only use to as a means to control. You later find down the road find that not all of them are blind. Not all of them are brainwashed. There are those who can “believe in self” and not be two steps away from hoteppin’. You know this because you keep constantly running into them. It gives you hope. It’s refreshing.

More and more of us are coming out because, in one way or another, our family have already disowned us. Now, they don’t have much left to fear. If your own family hates you for who you are, you shouldn’t expect anything less from complete strangers. Yes, plan for the worst, but hope for the best. Sure.

While you let that be what gets you to sleep at night, we know better. Deep down, we know YOU know better. We learn about hate at a very young age. It’s second-nature to a lot of us.

For most, it’s easier to hate than to take the time to understand.

prayers and thoughts

It’s not anti-religious to believe “thoughts and prayers” aren’t enough in the face of an epidemic of gun violence!

But secularists have been saying that two hands clasped in prayer have done absolutely nothing.

I would like for the congregation to open up their bibles and turn to James 2:14 – 26. The scripture states:

14 What does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can faith save him? 15 If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, 16 and one of you says to them, “Depart in peace, be warmed and filled,” but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? 17 Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.

18 But someone will say, “You have faith, and I have works.” Show me your faith without your works, and I will show you my faith by my works.19 You believe that there is one God. You do well. Even the demons believe—and tremble! 20 But do you want to know, O foolish man, that faith without works is dead? 21 Was not Abraham our father justified by works when he offered Isaac his son on the altar? 22 Do you see that faith was working together with his works, and by works faith was made perfect? 23 And the Scripture was fulfilled which says, “Abraham believed God, and it was accounted to him for righteousness.” And he was called the friend of God.24 You see then that a man is justified by works, and not by faith only.

25 Likewise, was not Rahab the harlot also justified by works when she received the messengers and sent them out another way?

26 For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also.

Oh, we’re going to church today. Forgot to mention that.

Prayer isn’t being attacked – well, a lot of people would beg to differ, so I won’t speak for everyone. I’m not personally attacking prayer itself. Pray. Pray all the fuck you want. Then get up and do something. Be an instrument of “god” in seeing the things for which you have prayed come to pass. It is ridiculous to ask your god to fix something that you are able but unwilling to fix yourselves. It’s like asking God to cut your grass when you have a perfectly good lawnmower.

You know, people who bark at people about Christian values because they feel that they have validation, but fall into the ‘No good Scotsman’ category, you guys need a word and I think I have one.

Christianist – A person who claims to be a follower of Christian teachings, but actively engages in acts, deeds, and messages that are contrary to the teachings. In short, ignorance of the script of the ‘Sermon On The Mount’.

Do you like it? I do. Your Christ was crystal clear about his disdain for the hypocrites who make a show of their religion by praying in public. Must have skipped over that in bible study.

What I’m getting at – what the entire secularist community is and has been getting at – is that prayer does nothing. Facebooking to Jesus hasn’t done anything. It has become an automatic response for too many: #praying #thoughtsandprayers #RIP It makes one feel better about either not wanting to or not being able to actually do something to change. In the meantime, these horrific events continue to happen and more people are victimized. People need to look beyond what makes them feel better and stop these asinine ass hashtags. Expressions of prayer are personal and not something you blurt out on social media. You can’t use religion to combat the first glimmers of liberating ourselves from religion. What does it matter what a random, possibly mentally ill, primitive man said millennia ago? Move on!

Saying prayer doesn’t help is not anti-religious It’s just that ‘thoughts & prayers’ do absolutely nothing for the victims. Thoughts and prayers only help to make those who didn’t die, feel better. 

Come on, congregation! I know you’re not asleep on me, are you? Turn your bibles to Isaiah 29:13. The scripture states:

13 Therefore the Lord said:

“Inasmuch as these people draw near with their mouths
And honor Me with their lips,
But have removed their hearts far from Me,
And their fear toward Me is taught by the commandment of men

You know what that means, right? We can all agree that what this is saying is that you can’t praise Jesus and not be about Jesus’ teachings and works. It’s what I like to call a hypocrite if you will.

It’s pathetic that the majority of humanity has yet to evolve past the need for imaginary deities. If the world were to put aside such childish things and focus on the betterment of our species we nrawould have world peace, zero famine and countless technological advancements in all fields of science. Yet, it used to discriminate, murder and persecute; belittle and demean. There is no freedom of religion. Freedom of religion stopped being real when the Christians took over the government and put it onto our money and into our pledge of allegiance. America feels like an average old black lady who sits next to the deacons every Sunday so she feels she’s special – or wait, ‘blessed and highly favored’. Hey, Jesus. How’s it going in Jesus Land? Heard any good prayers lately? The United States has one and we know that we’re your favorite country on earth because you know – ‘in god we trust’!

Talking to yourself with your eyes closed changes so much. I wonder how many murderers prayed for success before they killed someone. we were given the ability to think and act to protect ourselves to simply sit and pray only is the action or inaction of fools.


Where Are All The Moderate White Christians Denouncing Planned Parenthood Shooting?

nw tumble

Nowhere to be found, but as expected. You see, they don’t have much to say when the spotlight is on them. Suddenly, he’s a lone wolf and doesn’t represent Christianity as a whole. There’s a built-in double-standard that for some reason, refuses to be made a topic of discussion.

Dear White Guys: The shoe is on the other foot and it is binding, no?

[We’re] thugs and come from the ghetto and broken homes and we’re not allowed to protest due to black-on-black crime because it somehow makes us look like hypocrites.

Regardless of the motives, whatever those may be it doesn’t remove the fact that there are a lot of people quiet when if it were someone of color, they’d be all over Faux News.

& This is why the Ku Klux Klan still exist. That is why far more Americans have been killed in domestic mass shooting events than have been killed in Islamic terrorist attacks.

Related: Yes, The Planned Parenthood Shooter is A ‘Christian Terrorist

What’s weird is that somehow Muslims have to apologize for Paris yet black people are still waiting on reparations. No one is riding up  Robert Lewis Dear ass to make him apologize.

Update: Closing comments due to ignorance.

Laquan McDonald

The Daily Beast, you thought making a .gif of a Black Man’s death was okay?

You’re disgusting. This is disgusting and you should be ashamed. Question: Where’s the .gifs from Paris? Why can’t we get the same fucking respect? Not just you, everyone who does this nonsense with black deaths.

You made a .gif of a black man getting shot 16 times and you thought that was okay, that it was tasteful? That’s how much Black lives matter to you?

The outrage I have for the stunt you’re pulling is steadily rising. You don’t even have the common fucking decency to take the post down, to remove the .gif at least; after so much backlash. I guess all that matters is how many people you can get to click on your deplorable post. I’m in no way helping with that, but a point needs to be made here.

I can’t feel fine about a “news” outlet that creates .gifs of someone being murdered. Black death is not and should not be entertainment. Black pain is not a fucking cartoon. There’s no excuse, there’s no way to defend your stance, either. It’s kind of hard because it’s inconsiderate, hurtful, disgusting, and unprofessional. I don’t even think TMZ would have done that shit and they’re at the bottom of the barrel.

You said you were taking the .gif down and it’s still there. I know this because I checked. Just when I thought the internet couldn’t stoop any lower, The Daily Beast proves me wrong.

Update: Finally! THANK YOU FOR TAKING IT DOWN. You’re still deplorable.


I’m Not Morally Equipped to Make White People Comfortable

I’ve opened and have welcomed all types of atheists and secularists on the Black Atheists Facebook page and this blog, but let me be crystal clear: This page is dedicated to black people. This is a safe place for everyone, but I need to be for my people. Just because I let you in and build friendships with you all doesn’t mean I’m going to kiss anyone’s ass. I’m not. I’m not sorry.

With that being said: I post a lot of controversial content and I speak my mind because:


The world spends a lot of time caring about what white people think. Sorry, I can’t, and I won’t. If their feelings matter then so do ours.

That goes as far as pointing out racism, discussing white feminism and how it’s only for white people, the issue with white people thinking being pro-black is anti-white, noting that the world doesn’t revolve around them; I also kindly remind them about cultural appropriation, too. Nothing is off limits when I can’t take my son to his preschool without being racially profiled. I can’t walk into a Walgreens parking lot without a white woman clasping her purse and holding onto her child while making sure her car is locked when she sees me.


So, since I inadvertently make them uncomfortable with my blackness I mind as well give them a reason. So when I post black issues, I do it i knowwithout any remorse. Black issues can’t be argued since it’s 2015 and we’re far more likely to be killed by a white terrorist now than we did when my 80-year-old grandmother was a child. I’m not mincing my words, and I won’t pander. Facts are facts and if white people can’t handle that, tell me something that’s new.

The issue I have when white people throw tantrums in the face of facts is this: They don’t have to live with the stigmas that society portrayed on them because they’re laughable. They can throw their stats and numbers back at us, about us, but they can’t seem to do the same thing to themselves. The finger is always pointed at us. So when we have to do the finger pointing they see it as a threat and maybe even as a challenge. That’s fine, but facts don’t stop being facts because they’re mad.

So don’t expect me to feel bad for white people any time soon. Their problems are definitely, in every sense of the word, “first-world”.


Why Being “Pro-white” is Absolutely Ridiculous

I posted this image to BA:

being pro black in america

Not accounting for the trollops that do believe being pro-black is being anti-white. Let’s not get it confused, here.

And in came the flurry of racists and bigots. The main ones were white men. They called the post racist, hypocritical and illogical. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. They mentioned a lot about them being “pro-white” because of black people being “pro-black”. They then had to tell me what they see in the black community. No, that is not what you see, what you see is what the television ALLOWS you to see, what the news outlets ALLOW you to see. You don’t go looking for positive black empowerment because why would you when the opposite is so easily available and at your disposal to use in an online flame wars with black people? Why is it when it is something positive about black people, white people have a problem? What are you so fucking afraid of?

The world we live is the world where lives matters according to their race, color, faith, money, looks, and development.

There have been tragedies happening all over Black America and not one single moment of silence, not a single light was cut off, but as soon as Paris is attacked we have to pray for them? SNL does a PSA? Let’s not point out the black people who died in Paris, okay? I know it wasn’t just white people who died. Anyone who just open fire in a theater is bound to shoot anyone and everyone, bullets don’t discriminate and neither do terrorists. While we’re on Paris, there’s something people should read before they start defending them. Now that we got that out the way, let’s go ahead and get the stick out of your sandy vagina and move the fuck on.

When things like this are milestones, don’t talk to me about “pro-white”. Boko Haram killed 2000 people in one week, in January of this year. The kill count hasn’t stopped since then. They’re doing that and abducting people as sex slaves. Silence. So don’t talk to me about “pro-white”. 147 Kenyans killed at university, by al-Shabab, in April this year. Crickets. These aren’t the only incidents happening in Africa, there are more. You can hear a cat piss on cotton the media coverage for this area is so quiet. So who, in your right mind, should care? Because it damn sure ain’t white, Asian, Hispanic, or Indian people. Again, keep the “pro-white” nonsense at a distance. The terror threat is much bigger in Africa than it is in Europe, but guess who’s getting all the media coverage? Again, don’t talk to me about “pro-white”.

We are slowly coming to the realization that we need to be lifting each other up, not tearing each other apart.

No, I’m not going to just throw facts aside because another terrorist attack happened. Facts don’t stop being facts because someone died a tragic death. Will the world – has the world stopped as profound and as strongly for Paris, for Black people? No. I’m sorry what happened to them happened to them, but we can’t even get BET to air The Million Man March. That’s to be expected since BET is owned by a white man. No, I am not changing the color of my Facebook to of Paris or any other place. I can show my solidarity without standing on a soapbox, preaching to people, mad that they’re speaking facts. I don’t have to belittle like other people have to. Changing my picture through a generator to add colors isn’t going to change anything. It hasn’t. If you’re so hell-bent on being angry at people who have valid reservations about humanity only being human to white people, tell them to their faces. Call them out, don’t make passive-aggressive ass statuses on Facebook crying. What does that solve? How many keystrokes did you just waste? Your opinion and your angst are just a drop in a fucking bucket. Especially those black people who have disdain for outspoken black people, you’re all about being humanist and preachy about letting a tragedy be just that, but you want to passive-aggressively have a Facebook pitch-fork party for anyone who you don’t agree with. There’s enough shit going on without you adding your 2 cents about you being in your emotions.

Moving on…

Pro-Black stems from the pride of having black heritage, being black, not being scared of white people and their ways of trying to downplay black-ism. Pro-white nationalism comes from the pride of having no other heritage but white, the end. Question: The KKK is “pro-white”, and you want to affiliate yourself with them? Okay, you can’t talk or get mad about black people being about and for themselves. You can’t call yourself my ally. You’re just a racist with a different title. How can a majority have anything to say about black people being “pro-black”?  Define your meaning of “pro-black” and “pro-white”, what does it entail? Being pro-black is NOT anti-white. There is no vice-versa, black people can say things about another race all they want; until they’re blue in the face. All a white person can say to that is: “I’m still white, you’re still a nigger, I own you” and flitter off. I can’t think of one thing a black person is a part of in this country that a white person didn’t have a part in or own, as well; not off the top of my head, anyway.


I’m so tired of white people telling black people what they can and cannot do or say, as far as racism goes. When you understand how racism works, you won’t be able to use that in your argument anymore. If I called a white person a “cracker” or a “honky” right now and they followed up with their usual, “Jungle bunny”, “porch monkey”, or “nigger” rebuttal, which one do you think will have more power, them calling me a nigger or me calling them a cracker? Their racial slurs have backing, history, power. Ours are in spite of those facts. They have little to no value, no power, no meaning, no reasoning. It’s laughable.

Black Lives Matter

All of a sudden ‘All lives matter’ or ‘Blue lives matter’ because now we believe we matter. Which we in fact do. Any white person who knows their history from just the past 50 years would know that it’s justified. Our pain and frustrations are justified. It’s 2015 and we are still having this discussion. We still have to fight for our rights. We have to fight to live. We have to fight every day, survive every fucking day. It’s 2015 and black kids can’t go to school without racial discrimination.

The only time white people bring up BLM is when they’re saying they’re the cause for a 9-year-old to be led into an alley to be shot and killed. This is usually after they have to post their numbers and stats about “black on black” crime. Not realizing that it’s steadily on the decline and has been for the past 50 years, but they don’t want to hear that. BLM when it fits their biased agenda. BLM when tragedies like Paris happen and what I mean by that:

real oppression

White Privilege

Ah yes, that again. Get over it. Anyway…

Many working-class people do believe in white privilege. There is no such thing as “reverse racism” because one cannot be racist against whites in a white supremacist system – racism requires racial privilege, but more on that later. Here’s something white people should read: ‘When Affirmative Action Was White‘.

We’ve had it pounded into us that dark skin is ugly, dirty, evil. We’ve been told that our nappy hair is ugly and that we should straighten it. I equate black pride with encouraging girls to study STEM. Whites don’t need pride because there isn’t a constant barrage of messages, covert and overt, indicating that there is something wrong, or inferior, with being white. We have black people bleaching their skin all across Africa because of European ideals and how there’s nothing but white people being thrown in your face on television and advertisements. They define what beauty is. They define EVERYTHING! No one should be made to feel that the vessel they walk around in is inferior, or subject to someone else’s will, or has to conform to some societal norm.

We have to put up or shut up. We have to suck it up. We have to build all the bridges to get over shit, but not them. Slavery wasn’t that long ago, but we have to get over that while we’re forced to not forget 9/11. We have to watch the world cry and make everyone around us feel important, take racism in stride and get good grades and not protest when there’s nothing being done about blatant racism. The white terrorists of this country get more sympathy than us. They get to go to burger king and take snapshots with the cops. We get shot and killed or mysteriously hung. White people are the biggest terrorist threat in the U.S.

racism in a nutshell

As black people, we already have enough to deal with. We can’t live our lives like white people can. They can worry about having hockey shoes for little Timmy’s tryout. We have to worry about getting shot just for walking up the street. There are things I have to remind my fiancé that a white man does not. There are lessons I have to teach my black children that white people do not. We live in two different worlds on the same fucking planet.

Everything in America is already “pro-white” you don’t need a fucking label. The KKK still runs like an organization because they hide behind the “Christian values” tripe and America as a whole hasn’t done a damn thing about them. They. Are. Terrorists. But we’re supposed to be okay with that. We’re “grasping at straws” or we’re “just the typical angry black person”. There are always excuses to cover the white man’s ass.

We don’t even have a black-owned hospital. We don’t own shit! But we started being pro-active about being pro-black and all of sudden, we’re racist?! We’re hypocritical?! We don’t need white people to tell us about black issues. We get it, we know we have a problem within ourselves. The part white people don’t seem to grasp is that they have contributed. We get that while we’re busy chemically assaulting our bodies through perms, relaxers, and bleach, white people are plastic bombing their asses and injecting toxins in their faces; staying in tanning beds longer to get darker. Cultural appropriating everything that is black. Their excuse: “We think it’s cool!” That shit ain’t cool, but if we bring that up, once again we’re racist, we’re assholes, we’re ANGRY. Our natural bodies aren’t something to try to emulate. We don’t have shit as it is and we can’t even keep what we DO have.  We don’t have our language, our own history outside of slavery, our own culture. It was all taken from us the moment we were shipped here. We are trying to get us back.


Black people as a whole: Y’all are getting real forgetful and a bit too forgiving.

Everybody wants to be a nigga, but don’t nobody want to be a nigga. -Paul Mooney

We have to make places designated for black people because we are not wanted or needed in white spaces. We are used as the token black friend more than I am willing to accept. Whether we see it, or not. We are used as targeting practice, we are being used as the go-to when white people need to feel better about themselves. You want to talk to ME about “pro-white”?! You can get the fuck out of my face. We live in a place where white people can be black, but black people can’t be white. That one-drop rule is a bitch.

I’m not finished, but this should be enough, for now.


Blacks have a condition, not a problem

Blacks have a condition, not a problem. Whites have the problem, racism, that creates our condition. All we can do is react.

~ Rev. Dr. C.T. Vivian, 1992

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