Wedding rings

My Response to ‘Is my husband raping me?’

Misogynists, sexists, bigots, and mouth-breathers like this one seem to have a big moral disagreement here. More so on their part due to being comfortable with being willfully ignorant.

It’s the sexist, ableist, bigoted fundamentalist “Christians” that society needs to worry about. Here’s my response to a forty-year-old hypocrite. Enjoy.

Let’s just get to the gist of this blog post: Rape is rape. Your bible may tell you otherwise, but there’s a reason why people go to jail for following such atrocities that are found in a book from religions taken from other religions. Christianity is a bastard of other religions yet it’s the one true religion. It’s used to excuse all kinds of terrible things in today’s society. Rape is just one of them.

When the lady that left you an anonymous question about her marital problems, you should have left it alone. From the looks of it, you’re not a marriage counselor. You’re not equipped to discuss what happened in their marriage. You don’t have the credentials or a license. The things you said were immoral, wrong, and disgusting. You’re disgusting.

You broke down her question in multiple parts. I shall do the same with your responses.

1. Was the husband wrong for having sex with his wife while she was pregnant and in pain?

You told her:

It depends. Had he just had sex with her in the last few days? Then perhaps he should have put her need to not experience more pain and discomfort ahead of his need for sex. But if she had been in pain for weeks or a month and he finally came to her and said “Babe I need this, I promise I will make it quick” – then she should have put his need for sex above her need to not experience additional discomfort.

Sometimes though a woman cannot have vaginal intercourse for medical reasons beyond just discomfort. For instance most doctors advice women not to have vaginal intercourse for 6 to 8 weeks after giving birth. If a man were to try and have vaginal sex with his wife during this period it would be highly painful for her and it might cause complications with her healing process. But that does not mean a woman cannot meet her husband’s sexual needs in other ways during this time. God has given her the ability to manually or orally satisfy her husband in order to meet his sexual needs. Christian wives ought to do this for their husband’s during this post birth period, and for that matter any other period when they may not be able to physically have sexual intercourse with their husbands.

My Response:

You’re sick. No, It DOES NOT depend on anything. If a woman says no, that’s what the she means! As a woman who just gave birth 7 months ago, sex was the last thing on my mind. Even the weeks after. There’s this thing called science. What it tells us about the human body, the mind, and the libido is this:

Estrogen levels go down after delivery. That can cause a shortage of vaginal lubrication, which can make sex painful or less pleasurable. Hormonal changes after childbirth might also be related to postpartum depression, which can stymie sexual desire. These feelings of sadness, anxiety, irritability, or just having the blues may last for a few weeks or even months. [Source]

There are plenty of other sources, too. Maybe you should have done a quick google search instead of using your book of lies, but that’s too much like right. Moving on from that, if a woman does not want to give her husband a handjob, blowjob when intercourse is out of the question she doesn’t have to. That’s just common fucking sense. You say you’re all about feminism, but you’re not. You’re the complete opposite. I get it. You want to follow the bible down to the letter, but you’re divorced. Remember when I called you a hypocrite? Here’s why:

Matthew 19:9
And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.

Malachi 2:16 
For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.

1 Corinthians 7:10-11
To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.

Let me guess, you divorced her so that makes it okay? Nope. Wrong. Incorrect. Do not stop, do not pass go. Go straight to jail. You’re a hypocrite. Simple.

2. Was the husband wrong for having sex with his wife even when he knew she did not want to?

Your response:

As I have said before, I have never advocated for a Christian husband to force himself upon his wife. But contrary to what feminists and other marital rape accusers say – there is difference between a husband convincing his wife to let him have sex with her and him physically forcing himself upon her.

Rather than hash this out again here – I have answered this entire issue from a Biblical perspective in the my article “Is a husband selfish for having sex with his wife when she is not in the mood”. But the short answer is no he is not being selfish for having sex with his wife simply because she is not in the mood. The Bible is clear that for the purposes of sex “The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.” – I Corinthians 7:4.

My response:

YES! He was wrong. There is no difference; force is force! There are laws that protect her from that. Making someone do something they don’t want to do is force! I don’t care if they’re married! “But the bible told me so!” See my response to the first question. Also see separation of church and state, too. Your “bible” may be clear on what a woman can and cannot do with her sex life – even after being translated all to shit – but the laws of the state do not go by your rules, they go by the states. You may have forgotten this, but this country is not founded on religious beliefs or values.

You’re trying to sugarcoat and twist things to make it fit your twist agenda and it’s disgusting. There needs to be consent or have you forgotten that? Did you even know? Probably not.

3. Was her husband treating her like a whore?

Your response:

“He treats me like a whore”, “He treats me like a prostitute” and “He only wants me for sex”. These are three common statements that we hear from wives (Christian and otherwise) about their husbands frequently online and elsewhere. What wives who make these statements are actually saying is “He does not romance me anymore, he does not talk to me enough and spend time with me outside the bedroom enough”. When wives express these sentiments it comes from a place of them feeling like their husbands have not earned the right to have sex with them. Only when their husband makes them feel the way he once did, then and only then will they be able to have sex with him without feeling like “a whore”, “a prostitute” or “just plain used”.

A husband should know his wife, and part of knowing one’s wife is talking to one’s wife. I wrote an entire post on this subject entitled “10 ways to know your wife”. So if this woman’s husband was failing to talk to his wife(outside of when he wanted sex), but rather on a daily basis – getting to know what was going on in her life a daily basis – then he was in the wrong. Also as part “knowing one’s wife” he would know if he listened to her that she needs to be touched on a regular basis, and not only in a sexual manner when he wants sex.

But where this point of “I feel like my husband’s whore” falls woefully short is two wrongs never make a right. Her husband doing the right thing – talking to her on a daily basis and knowing her better is NOT a prerequisite to sex in marriage. She seems to have been very grudgingly yielding to her husband, and while a Christian husband can accept grudgingly yielded sex – it does not make it right on the part of the wife to have such a horrible attitude.

My Response:

You’re serious, aren’t you? Your “logic” is frightening. When a man cheats on their wife it is somehow translated to the wife having a sense of entitlement, arrogance, and an expanded ego? Did you think that through before it left your fingers? I already know the answer to that. You make women look like the bad guys when there IS no bad guy here. The wife has a horrible attitude? Who the fuck raised you, Jim Jones?

Enthusiastic consent doesn’t only apply when we are teaching our kids about rape culture. Enthusiastic consent should be a given every, single time you have sex. And if you don’t feel like having it — men or women alike — you shouldn’t be guilted into it on the premise that it makes you a better partner. It has nothing to do with satan, god, or the bible. These are human lives that have feelings. Women are NOT robots. We ARE NOT your sex toys. We will NOT roam around in this sexist world believing that shit – for those who are awake anyway.

Question: Where in the fuck did you get quotes from satan from? Did you type out that nonsensical tripe yourself? I’m only asking because you had it quoted with no source:

If he makes you feel loved, then by all means give your body to him, enjoy great sex based on your passion for one another. You don’t need to be married, follow you feelings wherever they lead you. The minute he stops making you feel loved, dump him and move on to another new romance. This does not make you a whore. Whores have sex with men just to have sex, you are having sex based on your feelings of love and that is noble and right. But remember my golden rule – don’t do anything you don’t feel like doing.

Remember what I told you when you were single. That applies when you are married too. If he makes you feel loved and is passionate and romantic and you feel like having sex with him, then by all means have sex. But if he does not make you feel loved, or if the passion fades stop having sex with him and make it clear he has to make you feel loved and romanced like he did when you first together.  If a long time goes by and the feelings of love don’t come back, dump him (divorce him) and move on to the next guy. Even if your husband does make you feel loved, you never should have sex with him if you don’t feel like it, never forget my golden rule – don’t do anything you don’t feel like doing.

Remember you were wondering if you were being a whore by sleeping with men when you were single? Well you know what a real whore is? It is a wife who has sex with her husband when she does not feel like it, and especially when she does not feel loved or romanced.

This is how I know you’ve gone off the deep end:

These two lies of Satan play out in almost every TV show and drama movie that we see today. I pray to God that the Christian women of this world will repent of believing these lies of Satan. A woman who has sex with her husband, even when she does not feel like it, even when her husband is not doing everything he should, is doingEXACTLY what God wants her to do. She is living according to the Spirit, and not according to the flesh.

Women are being murdered for less. I hope there isn’t anyone reading your articles and go off and rape their wife or girlfriend. I would say that blood is on your hands, but that’d be false. It’s on the bastard who wrote the bible’s hands. No, it wasn’t Jesus or god. Well fuck, they’re the same person, you get it.

4. Was her husband wrong for getting her drunk for sex?

Your response:

This is an easy answer – yes he was wrong. It is never right to encourage drunkenness in someone as that is sinful. Does this wrong rise to the level of allowing for divorce? No. In this case she needed to exercise restraint and not engage in getting drunk.

My Response:

Jesus hung around with thieves, liars, and prostitutes, you know. I don’t see you quoting those scriptures or looking up the actual history of Cesare Borgia. I was almost with you till the end. I don’t know what fun house you’re in, but it must be lavish if it has internet access. I do like how you add your own rules to a set a rules that don’t need revising. Anyone who’s anyone that has read the bible knows that women are property and should follow all the rules that the husband has laid out for her.

But hey, guess what? Marriage predates religion, just so we’re clear. It definitely predates Christianity, in case you didn’t know. I have a feeling you did though, you just have the incessant need to grasp as straws that aren’t even there.

As far as the rest of your nonsense goes, you were simply repeating yourself. You’re sick, you’re disgusting, you’re a misogynist and you need to be locked away with the rest of the loonies from Looney Town.

Maybe you read this far, maybe you haven’t, but I’d love for you to take a gander at THIS blog post. It’ll probably make you angry. I’m hoping it does.

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