Being a undercover atheist can sometimes be the most annoying thing ever, but it is a annoyance that I must deal with if I plan to have any piece of mind. Now when I say undercover atheist, I am not referring to a nonbeliever who pretends to be a christian just to see what goes on inside the church, I have more of a life than that (hopefully I didn’t offend anyone if that is something that you partake in). I am referring to the fact that I hide my true beliefs in order to keep drama down with friends and issues with my family at bay.
My family is very religious. I have always wanted to tell them of my disbelief in our supreme, righteous, all knowing daddy (AKA god) but I fear what the consequences of that might be. I NEED MY FAMILY! I need to be able to talk to them constantly. I need to be able to attend family dinners and not have everyone treat me as if I am a step child. So I hide how I truly feel about religion in order to protect myself from losing any love from my family. I go to church with them sometimes, listen to them pray, and I will even give them a dollar or two for the “building fund that never seems to add anything to building.” Thats about as far as I will go though.
Now I know most of you are probably saying that, “I should not have to hide my true self from my family. They should love me know matter what I believe in.” Well that is true but you must also remember that this is religion that we are talking about. Religion has a way of making parents kill their children, preachers butt fucking little boys, countries going to war and killing millions, etc, etc!! My family might be understanding and love me anyway, but that is a risk that I am not willing to take. I would much rather sacrifice being a open atheist rather than be without my family. That might change one day in the future but at this current point in time, that is how I am.
When it comes to my friends, I tend to be a little more vocal about my beliefs but I hardly just tell people that I’m a atheist. Friends are easy to replace and I tend to surround myself with people who are not judgmental. I’m a geek and I love science so the people I hang with are usually the same way. I do have a few however, that are stupidly religious (Is stupidly a word? Like someone please tell me as I’m to lazy to google it). If you say one bad thing about the bible, they get all offended. Yesterday, I said “fuck you preacher, talking about come to church on time and your ass be late for every church event there is,”on twitter. My ex girlfriend (notice I said ex) got so offended, that she went on a big rant about how I was going to hell. My reply to her of course was that “I love the heat” LOL.
So that is my “Undercover Atheist” life in a nutshell. Now for all of you who are going to call me weak and a hypocrite, take this into consideration. Imagine you are a young man who just graduated from college. You are going to the Air Force in April but you have little money on hand and a ton of bills to pay. You are the victim of a crapy economy so finding steady work is hard to come by until you leave in April. The last thing you need is to be fighting with family and friends when you seriously need their help. Well if that alters your opinion of the situation, know that that is my current state. I really need all of my bridges intact.
If you are going through something similar, please share.