There was none, it was work, babysit, take abuse because I’m a minor, and go to church. I was at first indeed a Christian when I didn’t know exactly what it was to be one and that’s hmmm lets see, when I was 8 0r 9. Well all of that changed when I turned 11 or 12. I was curious about this ‘God‘ people were shouting to the ‘heavens’ about so I asked someone do they really know what this ‘God’ looks like and they would just point to numerous pictures in a bible and they all looked different.
When I got baptized, the pastor gave me a African American based Bible and I read it and it was saying in there that ‘Jesus‘ was African American. So I was fed up trying to figure out what this being was if it was a ‘being’ to begin with. I can’t thank a person that I can’t even see.
Hell they say talking to yourself makes you look crazy well talking up at the clouds must make you look like a damn loon. Well in my eyes of an Atheist it does. Around the age of 13 I knew in my heart I couldn’t believe in this God and refused to. No matter how many times I wanted to tell my family I was tired of being forced to go to church and ask God for forgiveness for my sins. I was sick of being around these hypocritical ass Christians and this damn ‘Holy Ghost‘. Stuff like that always made me uncomfortable and this is when I’m 17 going on 18, even then they had the say so in what I believed in. If I were to walk up to my family and say, “Well, I don’t believe in this God so you can just cut the crap and stop trying to force your religion on someone else” I would of gotten slapped-no beaten to a pulp. I would of been locked up in my room, with extra chores. Then I would have to listen to my relatives on the phone talking and saying really bad things about me. How do I know this? Because when I feel strongly about something and speak my mind about other things that is what happened.
This isn’t about them though this is about my choice and why I chose it. I chose it because I’m not the type to just sit and believe in something and don’t have no type of reason to. I cannot see, hear, or feeling this being. Even the bible is full of crap because how we start off as humans, turn into apes then evolve into humans again? I’ll believe them men in the lab coats before I believe in some book of fairy tales. Christians may try and throw a scripture at me or whatever but I don’t know what drives them to do this. Why does what I don’t believe in bother them so much? Why can I not believe in something like Santa Claus and its okay, but if I say I don’t believe in God they have a damn problem? Even Christians don’t believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, so what the hell is the damn point/difference?
Its just in my heart that this God isn’t real.. I’m not sick or senile; not paranoid, possessed, or schizophrenic either. I was called all of those things by a Christian but little do he know that he was an idiot for not knowing what all of those words mean. I need to know what I’m believing in, I need to see this being that I’m believing in. Until then there is no believing that this God exist.
Recently, I had my status as “If people would read my profile the first time they wouldn’t so shocked that I’m an Atheist” on myspace and some cat gone come at me with a scripture. Really, why do you people as Christians feel you can tell me a scripture and think that is going to change anything? It’s just gone make me more of a nonbeliever.
Honestly what the hell does Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny have to do with the Holy Bible? Why is it set in our mind as a child that they exist only for reality as a teen to set in and find out that they aren’t real? I want things to make sense before I believe in it, none of this makes sense and this is why I’m an Atheist. If I believe in something i don’t know for sure is there and come back to reality and realize, hey this thing isn’t real I would feel like a total idiot. I don’t know about other Atheists or Christians but I know me and I know what I want to believe in and what I don’t want to believe in. Hell, I don’t run around pointing the finger at the believers or trying to convince that he isn’t real. Why can’t I get the same in return? Why can’t Christians just leave well enough alone? I’m not saying that all Christians are like that but the vast majority are. No one is perfect but no one should care about what someone else is doing or believing in.
I chose to be an Atheists because I cannot believe in something I don’t know for sure is there. I used to look at the members of the church when I was forced to attend and just shake my head because they did most of their dirt inside the church. I would catch them in so much crap that it made me sick. I used to think like, “No wonder they are the loudest in congregation screaming about the Holy Ghost, they sinning before they even step out of the church”. Well its not like that now, I can honestly say that. Just looking at these Christians smile and grin in these people face in church then run to the bathrooms just to talk about them behind their backs. I used to want to go run and tell that they were being talked about but then I realized, they may be doing the same shit they’re doing. I don’t really think I have respect for people who are like that period, Christian or not. To see that so much in church you would think they didn’t believe in God they damn selves. Being that it was a baptist church doesn’t make a difference, even though African Americans are the most, gossipy, drama motivated individuals on the face of the earth. The point is I can’t act like I believe in something and in the same breath question myself. I cannot try and make other people happy by going along with what they want me to believe in.